Some funnies for your day...

Ever Spoken and Wished You Hadn't?

Hair Salon-
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a word...he knew better. Melinda Lowe, 39, Seguin, TX
The Pad-
An insurance man visited me at home to talk about our mortgage insurance. He was throwing a lot of facts and figures at me, and I wanted to follow as best I could, so I told my 6-year-old son to run and get me a pad. He came back and handed me a Kotex right in front of our guest. Kathy Newman, 46, Winston-Salem, NC
Toilet Paper-
I was taking a shower when my 2-year-old son came into the bathroom and wrapped himself in toilet paper. Although he made a mess, he looked adorable, so I ran for my camera and took a few shots. They came out so well that I had copies made and included one with each of our Christmas cards. Days later, a relative called about the picture, laughing hysterically, and suggesting I take a closer look. Puzzled, I stared at the photo and was shocked to discover that in addition to my son, I had captured my reflection in the mirror - wearing nothing but a camera.
Golf Balls-
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls." Colleen Collins, 31, Ferndale, MI
Nuts about You-
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of nuts. As we were looking ! at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget. Faye Emerick, 34, Ellerslie, MD
Behave-
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons.
I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" the silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me were screams of laughter. Amy Richardson, Stafford, VA
Thumbtacks-
A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear, "PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX SUPER SIZE." That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "THUMBTACKS." In a businesslike tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom. "DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?" Diane E. Amov
No Accident-
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly.
One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No." I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have ! any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo!
I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled. "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing! He calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!
The promised eight Inches-
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any... a true story ... We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

*I got these in an email from a friend and thought I would share them :D

YEAH!

Ali is home now. She still has more recovering to do, but is well on her way. Being at home I am sure will speed up that process. They never did figure out the exact cause of the seizures but have them under control and she has been seizure-free which is wonderful news. She has much rehab and physical therapy to do as the massive seizures did a number on her memory but she is already showing signs of improvement. God really did amazing things through this situation and her family's strength is an inspiration to us all. They lived by faith and trusted in God the entire time. It is a miracle that she is doing as well as she is. She has touched many lives throughout her illness and she is only just beginning to realize this. She is a very strong and courageous girl. Way to go Ali and welcome home! Praise God!!

Happy 6th Birthday Sarah! (June 18th)

Yesterday was Sarah's 6th Birthday. It is so hard to believe that she was born 6 years ago. Wow! time flies. Anyway, Happy Birthday to you!

Happy Father's Day!

To my wonderful husband and father of my children! He is so special to us and he deserves to be celebrated on this day. I would also like to send a special father's day kiss to heaven for my dad, who was the best dad in the world. We love you both, happy father's day!

PRAISE GOD!

She is awake, Ali is awake. Please read her update at carepages. Our God is an AWESOME God. He is doing mighty things through this situation. If you haven't logged on to the carepages before you have to set up a member login and then enter: aliupdate, when asked for the carepage you would like to read.

Well, it's a............................

GIRL!! We just had our ultrasound yesterday and found out we are indeed having another little girl. That will make two girls and two boys for our family. Sarah was so excited and asked if we could name her "Vexie" she was so proud of that name she made up. Kids are so funny with the names they come up with. I think the real name is going to take a lot longer to come up with. Dan and I usually disagree on names and the challenge has already begun. It took several months to come up with Sarah's and Adam's names, but we finally agreed a month before the birth. With Jack we didn't decide until 10 minutes before he was born and I've got the feeling that it is going to be the case with this baby as well. We do have 4 more months to go so no hurry I guess. Adam is still in denial. He has been going around the house saying "It's a boy, it's a boy" with Sarah following close behind him arguing "No, it's a girl, it's a girl". He wanted a boy so bad. Sarah didn't understand that of course she said "But Adam, you already have a brother, and I don't have a sister." Now she will have her sister. Jack said he wanted a girl the morning of the ultrasound, but I really don't think he understands what is going on just yet. Also, I think he was coached by Sarah a little so he would say that. Everything else about the ultrasound looked good too, I measured right on at 20wks 3days the day of the ultrasound which was exactly what I was that day. The tech said she is about 12 oz. so hopefully I will have a nice average size baby instead of a 1o pounder like Jack (9lbs 13oz). So my due date remains exactly the same, October 29th.

Prayers Needed

One of the students from our church youth ministries (a friend) has become very ill. She began having severe seizures last Thursday evening. She spent a few days at our local hospital with no explanation as to why she is having these seizures. Every test they preformed came back negative. She is normally a very healthy girl. The doctors here could not explain what was happening to her so at the request of her parents she was flown by helicopter to University of Michigan Hospital in Ann Arbor where a team of professionals was waiting for her arrival. They jumped right into more tests, but have yet to discover the cause. The family has posted a carepage for visitors to get updated information about her condition. Her name is Ali and she needs your prayers. The webpage is http://www.carepages.com You will need to sign in with a member name and password to view the postings and then it will ask for the name of the carepage you would like to view and you will need to type in: aliupdate.
The family has offered this site to be viewed by whomever can pray for Ali. Thank you!

Back to the "patch"

Eye patch that is. Yesterday was one of Jack's follow-up eye exams. The first one since getting his bifocals a few months back. The doctor was happy with the results from the bifocals. Which is good, it means they are doing their job. But one of the test she did didn't give her the results she was after. His good eye did very well with the test, but his bad eye was really trying hard to focus, which lead back the eye patching. He took to the patch pretty good considering it has been a few months without it. We have to patch his good eye 4-6 hours a day for the next six weeks, until his next eye exam. Hopefully then she will be happy with the muscle in his bad eye. At least he doesn't have to have eye surgery. I like him with his glasses too, I just can't imagine him without them.

Wet Tissue

I will usually wet some tissue or a paper towel to clean off the kids face when needed. Well, today Jack took it upon himself to wash his own face. So he got some tissue wet and started rubbing. I began to wonder....hmm
....how did he get that tissue wet. So I did some investigating and discovered the source for the water.....THE TOILET!! Yucky! It might not have been that bad, except it hadn't been flushed. Luckily there were no floaties in the bowl. Teehee! He got a nice hot soapy scrub down right after that.