What I would want my dad to know...

Well, today marks the 9 year anniversary of my dad's tragic death and last year I did a tribute in honor of him. This year I thought I would share all the things my dad has missed out on since he's been gone. I know he is in a better place and completely happy so that makes me happy but I still really miss him and sometimes I find myself talking to him and telling him about my life and how it's changed since he's been gone. If I could write a letter to my dad, one that he could read, it would go something like this...



Dear Daddy,



I wish you were still here, we all do. I know you are not suffering anymore and are enjoying your eternal resting place in paradise so for that we are happy for you. You are no longer hurting, but we still are. I know we will never fully understand why you had to die but God knew you were suffering and he allowed you to come home.



So much has taken place in our lives since you've been gone. Not a day goes by that we don't think of you, miss you and wish you were hear enjoying life with your family, especially your 9 grandchildren. Before you left you were able to hold Kaylyn (Tanya's oldest) and Sarah (my oldest). Tanya now has four children, Kaylyn who's almost 10 years old, Jenna who's 7, Lauren who just turned 2 and now a son Charlie born earlier this month. You would be so proud of Mike and Tanya and their beautiful children. Charlie even has your middle name "Allen" in honor of you. Dan and I have five children now, Sarah is 9 years old, Adam is 7, Jack is 5, Grace is 2 1/2 and Ben is 8 months. Our Adam was also named in honor of you as his middle name is "Steven". There are so many expressions the kids make that remind us of you and we find ourselves laughing when we think of you and how your humor could light up a dark room. Our hearts ache because we can no longer hear your laugh.



Dan co-owns a pretty successfully concrete company, one you would be proud of, and Mike works there as well. Dan has mentioned on several occasions that he wishes he could show you the work that he does because he knows you'd be so proud. There are so many times I wish you were hear so I could ask your advice or have you look at something for me. I see beautiful wrought iron candle holders and think of you and how you use to make things like that, you were so good at making things. I think that is where our children get their talents from. You would have so much fun being surrounded by your grandchildren. They are missing out on so much having not been able to know you.



Tanya is going back to school soon to earn a degree in the field of nursing and I have been studying photography and having a blast taking pictures. Mom lives near by and is working full time at a doctor's office. She does have a new life, but one that could never be as it was with you. She is hurting the most out of everyone because she lost her soul mate when you died. I know her heart is heavy with pain over loosing you. She tells me all the time how she wishes you were still here. I hurt for mom because she just isn't the same without you. A part of her died when you died and she will never be the same. She tries to be okay(but I can tell she's not) we all try to be okay, but we can never be whole again. A very important part of our lives is missing and that part is YOU. Our lives were shattered the day that you died and as we've tried to pick up the pieces over these past 9 years we've realized that some of the pieces have broken so small they can never be fully repaired. If you were still here we'd all be happy, really and truly happy.



I pray that if one good thing could have come out of your death it would be that the people who knew you either as a friend, a brother, a cousin, an uncle or a son would turn their hearts to God and take comfort in him so that one day they too will see you again in heaven. I know in your heart you wanted everyone around you to know God and trust in Him like you did.



We miss you and love you so much daddy. Wish you were still here so we could laugh together. See you one day in Heaven where we'll laugh together again, forever!



Love,

Melissa